Mission: Manitoba, White Mud and the cursing French men

By Billy Harris

Photos

CLINICS on the Potomac with Valley Mill

The Shindiggg, the Guys that put this kayaking event on know what is up. I love attending great festivals and this one was no acceptation what so ever. It’s a small group of guys that push it along and have done a great job keeping the sport growing. www.wavpaddling.ca Is there site and you can take a look at the festival stuff and levels and everything to do with paddling in Manitoba there. The PEG boys as I call em are wicked, in every sense of the word. They paddle hard, party hard, work hard and do everything they can to give back to the community they serve. If there were ever a candidate for the wicked paddling team award these guys would nail it. On top of that there is a MASSIVE wave at a place called White Mud. 60, 000 CMS roll through there…. its aptly named Scary wave and that was featured in some kayaking video somewhere. I surfed the heck out of that thing… or it surfed me…. I am still not sure.

I took a flight on lets call em "scareskin" airways in from Ontario to Manitoba. The plane is a 26 year old beast and according to my GPS unit that I never travel without we hit 521 KM per hour (wicked) I show people my max speed in my car a CRV and they look at me funny. I pulled up to the counter the first time and there was blood all over the front desk and the floor. It looked as though someone said something mean to the attendant and got his head lopped off. Apparently a hunter was there just ahead of me that shot an animal and brought it back with him… HICKS.. I love em. Well I made a fuss about it the last time thinking that it was funny and I was apparently the only one. So this time when I showed up I was under strict orders from my brother (a pilot for them) and threat of death to keep my please and thank-yous handy for the end of every sentence. The flight was un eventful as was the car rental. I picked up a mini van managed to get out of being stuck with a PT cruiser. The idea that anyone in his or her right mind would drive that disturbs me. Ohhh off track,

OK so the wave was massive and scary and despite the Walleye fisherman I was the only person out there and when the wave had its way with me I scooted on over to the festval spot called Sturgeon Falls. I was told that a Jackson all star would be waiting for me so I dodged the 200$ shipping charge. Well when I got there all there was was , well let’s just say not my choice of boats.. I was very happy to be paddling just the saem…. Anyway, the person that did have a JK boat was being really selfish; he wanted his boat to himself… (the nerve) I ended up in a GTX and borrowed boats and to give you an idea on how big the waves are there I stuck several airscrews in it (GTX). I got to teach a bunch of clinics to the locals and was really well taken care of by Jamie Hilland and the gang props for being so wicked. For the first time in a while I stayed up till 4am partying my face off and dancing to one of the best DJ’s I have ever heard. The event is held in a barn, with a band and live music, people literally swinging from the rafters, sling shots and rope burns abound. But the DJ, has these wicked tattoos and I can’t even tell you how good he was, on the records he was smooth, didn’t try killing the music with his own just awesome. Not to mention he dressed up in the worst outfits….. that reminds me of my favorite rant, I do hate the 80’s the idea that someone would actually bring that back makes me shake my head. (Sorry EJ) but the converse all-stars sucked then as they do now. Not even the Checkers or neon can help them… I got pictures of myself from the 80’s. Needless to say the pin holes in my legs and the neon laden outfits are well hidden in the darkest parts of the family album. We made it though the 80’s and WHAM, lets leave it be shall we.
The boys in fine style had kegs, red bull girls, and a roast pig. They also had a rolling group of first timers paddling down the river. That looked a lot like a floating yard sale from what I hear. I was at sturgeon morning the loss of my All Star…….. While sitting on shore with nothing but a GTX to keep me company. Then when darkness hit, Fire works….. Oh, my. I have heard of the 400$ ammo box full of them but never got to light them off. I spent a bunch of time running around on this point setting them up while the crew gathered. I saved the lighting off the 2 monsters for the last. Running through hem as they exploded made me feel like I was in Vietnam with out the Asian food. The last 2 I had propped up in the empty ammo box on a wee bit of an angle. Well let’s be honest. Aiming them at the crowd. Lets just say, it got the response I was looking for.

Sometimes I feel bad, leaving these festivals. I get more than I give and the Manitoba paddlers gave me more than I anticipated. Kind, friendly and eager to go boating at any time. Sturgeon Falls and its paddlers are about the nicest group of people I have ever met. If anyone gets to go to the Shindigggg next year. It’s amazing well worth the drive.

FOR ALL THE PHOTOS SEE http://www.wavpaddling.ca/

The Plane on the other hand. The first time I got to fly it my brother was the Pilot. It was so great. The announcements come on. "Billy, just don’t touch anything" I was the only on eon the plane. This time we took off no problems at all. But apparently weather socked in for the landing in North Bay. I was sitting at the back of the plane, an Indian lady and another lady were behind me and 2 Quebec Red Necks were in front of me. The plane is a small seat about 19 people. You can see the pilots steering and stuff. Well we knew we were on approach, all of us making guppy faces trying to stop our ears from building up pressure. The Fog was thick and then through the pilots front window we see the tarmac. IT WAS NOT AT THE RIGHT ANGLE. The two ladies behind me broke into prayer. The French guys didn’t whimper but grabbed the seats in front of them and started saying some stuff in French that sounded a lot like "TaberNack". Which if I remember correctly in French class is I think wholly Cow. I swallowed as hard as I could and the red headed pilot on the wheel to the left was with fingers straight and shaking following the wheel in anticipation of certain death, hands just off the the controls. The other guy must have been pulling on them so hard. Combined with the cross wind it must have been PANTIES TIGHT up in that cockpit. Speaking of panties, We hit the Ground so hard I know one of the frenchy’s in front I am sure went to the washroom. Come to think of it I think that we all had a double check in the bathroom later. We rolled down the runway, in absolute silence. Know one knew what to say. "I gathered up the rest of my nerve and yelled out. "THAT WAS FRIGGN AWSOME". The pilot immediately turned around and said, "No it was not". I loved it; especially when I found out I could still wear the same pair of undies I left Manitoba with… The 2 ladies and the frenchy’s not so sure…..

Ahhhh at last. I am headed to the Potomac next. Hitting up Valley Mill Kayak School for lessons. If you want a lesson with a little fun and some good stuff join me there or call Jim to set it.

Billy Harris