Mission: Monkey steals the peach, boats arrive & “German words for 500 Alex.”

Mission:… Monkey steals the peach, boats arrive & “German words for 500 Alex.”

We have our own language here.… I have tried my very best to get a grip on the German Swiss language.… So when in doubt, guess your way though it and that has been a lot of fun…… My mother in law is now my “boozen-granny” we get into the wine each night a bit.… My father in law is my pish-in-fau-shaa.… He’s got a balder the size of a walnut.… My wife is “food-in-killa” and pretty much anything I can think up that degrades my buddy Kelsey Thompson on the spot is a winner.…

Kelsey told me a wicked story, which won him my company for the day. (Lucky Kelsey)… In some ninja book there is a ninja move called “monkey steals the peach”.… Mid fight, you drop to one knee grab your opponent by the “nads”, cock your wrist away from you and your opponent dies, bleeding out of the main vein so to speak.… Needless to say, with info like that I was going to spend the rest of my day with him….

We decide to do the tourist thing again today; turn number one on our drive kicks off the backseat drivers.… There are 5 people and five different directions to go right away.… Of course none of them are right and all of them end up being that “I told you”, right at the end.… Whatever the case the guy on the steering wheel (me) gets the brunt of it and gets the “relax buddy its not that important” at the end of the trip.… Which is easy to say when you are NOT driving on roads 2 narrow, with angry Swiss people honking and directions from 4 people who only know the way at the last moment.…

We made it to Bern, but I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough.… Lucky for my “pish-in-fau-shaa” needed to go for a bathroom, and took his camera and his wife “boozen-granny” with him.…

So we all decided to meet up in the “parken-fortunn”, translated:… parking lot.… It costs about 10 to 15$ an hour to park.… So we decide to meet in the lot at the end of the day and quickly depart ASAP.… “food-in-killa” (my wife), wanted to go food shopping and compare prices between Canada and Switzerland. The normal touristy thing to do I would say.… Boozen-granny and pish-in-fau-shaa walked to some bear pit at the other end of town and found out upon arrival that all the Bears in the Bear pit had died in April.… So much for the mascot of BERN.

…Kelsey and I decided to check out the old architecture, shoot pictures and video.…… We got lost right away.… The big clock with lumberjacks, dancers and all that popping out of the co-co clock was not working.… The other GIANT clock was out of commission but all in all it was pretty cool cruising around town.… Kelsey and I got bikes for about 5 min and decided that we would die if we didn’t get off of them.… We met “Food-en-Scarfin” at the end of the day; she managed to find all kinds of different foods for her to eat mostly tofu and seitan.… Whatever that stuff is.… So we all pile back into the car and reminisce about pretty cool caves that we visited the day before and decide that we needed to do something cool again today.… “Boozing-Granny” came up with cowbells.… “Lets get em before we hate them and tour the factory that will be fun”. At night all we can hear is cowbells, millions of them all feeding on grass all around our mountain lodge.… We are way up in the mountains.… So we get the bell factory, 5 seconds in, I was over the cowbells.… 4 people all testing the sounds of 300 different types of bells.… Imagine for a moment what that would sound like at the end of a long day,… Pish-in-Fau-Shaa says, “listen to this one Laur” (boozing granny) “RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING that being said.… I both tested and bought 2, the dutiful little tourist I am.…

We roll back into Thun, I am trying not to kill cyclists while taking orders from 4 backseat drivers and we see a giant pile of Jackson boats on the main drag and EJ wearing the worst hockey jersey I have ever seen.… EJ,… “We got a jersey fo you too billy”.… My first thought…..”oh no”… My second thought,… “I’ll cut it off and make an 80’s belly shirt out of it”……… And the smile returned to my face.… “Sweet… Eric” I reply.… At Jackson we all use words like, “NIIIIIICCCCE” or “Cooooool” or SWEEEEEET with a head nod and of course above all others the Trump word. “AWESOME”.… Its important to us, give us all a sense of oneness with the Big Deaf Boss named “ENRIQUE” (Eric)… Lucky for me he never reads my stuff.

All in all it’s pretty fun.… Eric (his wife) and more than likely Carman and Seth at the factory got our boats right on time.… The JK team never paid for a penny to get em over.… The JK crew is giving all the boats to the local dealers to sell when we are done so we don’t flood the market with new boats.……… It was pretty wicked getting a brand new boat down town Thun beside the wave.…

Billy Harris… aka “Shtoopid-apple”… as my mother in law would say.