Funny Quotes of the day

September 20, 2005

Some wonderful bits of wisdom

Question: If you could live forever, would you and
why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we
should not live forever,

because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live

forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever,"

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“““““““““““““““““

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
kids all over the

world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be
skinny like that,

but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
–Mariah Carey

““““““

"Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost
a very important part of

your life," –Brooke Shields, during an interview
to become

Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

““““““““““““““““““““““““`

"I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other
part of my body," —

Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball
forward.

““““““““““““““““““““““`

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
the lowest crime rates

in the country," –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,
DC.

““““““““““““““`

"I’m not going to have some reporters pawing
through our papers. We

are the president." –Hillary Clinton commenting
on the release of

subpoenaed documents.

““““““““““““““““““““““““““

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be
kicked to death by a jackass,

and I’m just the one to do it," –A congressional
candidate in Texas.

““““““““““““““

 

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
–Philadelphia Phillies

manager, Danny Ozark “““““““““““““““““

 

"It isn’t pollution that’s harming the
environment. It’s the

impurities in our air and water that are doing
it." –Al Gore, Vice

President (DUH) “““““““““` "I
love California. I practically

grew up in Phoenix." –Dan Quayle “““““

 

"We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves:
How much clean air do we need?"

–Lee Iacocca

“““““`

"The word ‘genius" isn’t applicable
in football. A genius is a guy

like Norman Einstein." –Joe Theisman,
NFL football quarterback

&sports analyst.

““““““““““““““““““““““

"We don’t necessarily discriminate. We
simply exclude certain types of

people."

–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

““““““““““““““““`

"If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of
failure." –Bill Clinton,

President “““““““““ "We are ready
for an unforeseen event

that may or may not occur."

–Al Gore, VP(damn he’s smart)

““““““““

"Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports
come from overseas."

–Keppel Enderbery

“““““““““““

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we

received notice that you passed away. May God
bless you. You may

reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

–Department of Social Services, Greenville,
South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can
plug this jack in at night as

they go to bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night.

And the next morning, when they wake up dead,
there’ll be a record." –Mark S.

Fowler, FCC Chairman