My Family, my delicate balance, my strength, My Family

September 19, 2005

Photos

Kristine is in Germany at the big European Trade show
there, as well as in meeting for the IFC, ICF, etc. She isn’t here
right now, which is a BIG change for me, because, she is always there,
24/7. You don’t know what you have until its gone they say, well
after two days of absence, my thought process goes from the details of
life to the broad brush scope of what I really have. I miss her, but I
have already learned how important it is to get away from each other for
a short time, to reflect on what we really have together. I am at that
point now. Dane met Benjamin and is at the movies with him. We are at
Ouachita Outfitters/Arkansas Canoe Club extravaganza. It is a big get
together for kayakers on a sweet class 2 ledge with 3000 cfs, lots of
great people, currently housing over 100 refugees from Katrina, feeding
them, etc.. Emily is with 4 boys ages 15-17 doing a McDonalds run. She
is her element as well, as a girl who went from dormant to more than just
confident among her peer group in the last year, and yes, she likes boys.

I am in the back of the RV, after a day in which I
put the “you can roll in 15 minutes or less” program to the
test three different times, competed in the rodeo here, gave a Jackson
Kayak presentation to about 100 people, played for about 4 hours on the
water, demoed out boats all day, and now have had two Newcastle Brown
Ales, oh yea. Today was a play day/work day depends on your perception
of reality as they say, so for me, it was a play day thanks. I just watched
a slide show on my laptop after doing some work on Quickbooks; Manufacturers
and Wholesale Version, looking at Jackson Kayak reports on sales compared
to last year by dealer, profitability compared to last year by account
and product, payroll and budgets compared to actual. I actually like that
stuff. I make a plan and then see how well I implement my plan. That is
the story of my life and the driving force that propels me to the finish
line, but that is not the subject of this story, it is my family.

After the first tear ran down my cheek during the slide
show, which is photos of my family from 2005, it occurred to me just how
lucky I am to have two kids that I can’t say anything but good things
about to anyone who asks, and a partner in life that’s whole is
greater than the sum of her parts. She is more than just attractive to
me, she is intoxicating, while she is more than just a contributor to
my cause in life, she is a partner with exactly all of the critical skills
and interests that I don’t have and she takes care of the things
that I can’t. She is more than just a mom, a wife, a friend, she
does it all and I can’t ever be complimentary enough to explain
how much she is to me. The slide show is often about kayaking, but that
is like saying the photos by the Christmas tree are about Christmas. The
photos of the times of our lives, that include our most important friends
and family center around our activities, but they are about the individuals
that make our lives important, to us. Each photo worth keeping reminds
us about the best qualities of each person in it. We discard those photos
that don’t portray ourselves or our friends and family in the best
light, in the way we want ourselves to be or them to be all of the time.
We keep the ones that make a memory we like to remember. Those memories
are the ones that we add together and add to inventory to create the mental
picture of all of the things that are good in our lives; and that makes
up, ultimately, what we will all be proud of and think about on our deathbed.
So our goal in life, certainly mine, is to have as many mental photos
and videos of the people and events that bring a smile to our face when
we look at them. Every day, every smile, every moment is worth taking
a picture of. I am not great at that, but I try to remember to bust out
my camera. Of course, I haven’t gotten it out yet on this trip,
what am I thinking?

Back to the point of this note; We are all lucky. Think
of those who “lost everything” in hurricane Katrina. Well,
if they didn’t die or lose a friend or family member, than, they
didn’t lose everything. In 1997, I lost nothing and gained everything,
when I got rid of EVERYTHING I owned and moved into an RV. It was the
best experience of my life to that point. I had my family, and that intentional
move, shedding physical possessions, but pulling my family under one little
roof to spend time with them, changed my life and perception of what is
important forever. Those fortunate few who lived through Katrina and didn’t
lose a loved one, will, if they are lucky to see what they do have, be
stronger, better people.

I am going to share a few photos that are under, “Jackson
family photos” on my computer. All of them taken in 2005. This is
a physical inventory of all things important to me….

🙂 EJ